Can Connecting to Your Values Change Your Life? | by Melissa O'Carroll

Knowing our values brings us into deeper alignment with ourselves, but it is living our lives  inline with our values that creates the magic; and you may find yourself feeling that somehow things feel easier and flow better. When we live our lives according to our values we make choices and decisions that are in synergy with our way of being, there is minimal friction, as the things we believe in are in harmony with our actions.

If we want to enjoy the results of a values-led life, where do we start?

Step 1: Start by understanding and exploring values, getting real clarity on their importance and what yours may be. 
Step 2: Connect to your peak life moments, and stories.
Step 3: Meaningfully review, refine, edit, reflect, and review again until you settle on a set of values that sits right for you.
Step 4: Measure your current alignment with your values.
Step 5: Move forward actively leaning into your values; use them to support and elevate yourself, and to make life decisions! 
Step 6: Review/revisit your values and like with a garden, every season consider what needs to be weeded or replanted.

Now let’s look at each step more closely.

Step 1: Start by understanding and exploring values, getting real clarity on their importance and what yours may be. 
Values are ultimately the important grounding elements that keep you stable and connected to what is important to you. They are your beliefs, your radar or compass about what is ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Knowing and acting in line with our values is important and empowering.
Your values are your foundation. They are your roots and your stability, and they contribute to your ‘sense of self’.
They are often imagined and interwoven into people's life narratives when they talk about staying true to themselves or true to their purpose. 
Now we know what values are -  take a brief moment to reflect, and with a paper and pen, write down up to 20 values that feel relevant and important to you. Things such as gratitude, reliability, generosity, kindness, fairness, patience… Don’t overthink this part, just write down your list, there will be plenty of chances to edit later.

Step 2: Connect to your peak life moments, and stories.
Your peak life moments and stories are the key things that have happened to you in your life, or key things you have done in your life that really gave you a sense of something important such as purpose, pride, and happiness. They are also the key things that really angered, disappointed, or dismayed you.

Take a moment to reflect, then write down your narrative for up to 4 or 5 stories from your life that represent peak moments for you. 
Think about things like: the scene, where did it take place, what had happened before, what happened in that moment, who was there, how did you feel, what was the outcome…
 

Now, review these stories. 
What core values or high emotions really pop out from these stories?
For example, if one of your stories involves doing something that made you feel really proud then capture the value that it represents - is that pride connected to a value for hard work, perseverance, resilience, recognition, support, leadership etc? Which one of these values really sits at the core of the feeling? Think about significant experiences or behaviours that have upset or dismayed you - these can highlight where a value we hold in high regard has felt conflicted.

Step 3: Meaningfully review, refine, edit, reflect, and review again until you settle on a set of values that sits right for you.
Now you have a full list of values, possibly up to 30 or so. It is time to review and refine with these steps:

• Review the list and simply cross out any of the values that jump out at you the least
• Group similar values with each other (according to your definitions) ie: I might group freedom, and independence together, and someone else might group independence and communication. It is all about you and your relevant life experiences, and how things connect for you.
• You should now have 4 or 5 groups of similar values, with 3 or 4 values in each group
• Now again remove or cross out the values that feel less significant than the others
• Land with a total of ~12 values.
  • Circle the 3 or 4 values that are core to you, and that you know you wouldn’t live without or ever disconnect from - these values are likely to be core to who you are and have been with you most of your life, they are unlikely to change
  • The remaining values are significant and may shift depending on your life circumstances and experiences
• Now take your final list of values and write a sentence about what each value means to you and how it shows up in your life. This will help to give you absolute clarity about the place and importance of that value in your life and personal ecosystem.

There is no rush - you can weed and revise your values for a few weeks or months if needed. Allow the work you have done to explore your values to settle as you define your list.

Step 4: Measure your current alignment with your values
As we settle into our newfound connection to our values - make sure you keep them close and visible.
You can scribble your values on post-it notes, put them in your phone notes, create a values board on Miro - like this example I made here - adding photos and personal touches…. Then save it as your computer or phone screensaver or print it out and put it on your wall.

Reflect on the following: 

• What things in my life are in perfect alignment with my values? What is currently out of sync? What feels so good? What consistently niggles?
• Does your job align with your values around (for example) kindness and community? 
• Does your family & friendship life adhere to your values of (for example) inclusivity and recognition? 
• Did your last holiday connect with your values of (for example) fun and nature?

Rate each of your values on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 suggests you are living 100% in alignment with that value, and 1 means you are not.

Step 5: Move forward actively leaning into your values, and use them to support and elevate yourself, and to make your life decisions! 
Now consider what changes you may want to make today and longer term. Take time on this. 
Consider how you can live a life where you make decisions that agree with your values. A life where your values help to increase your self-awareness and make sense of some of your strong feelings, and peak moments, as well as support you to make the decisions you want to make.

Step 6: Review/revisit your values and like with a garden, every season consider what needs to be weeded or replanted.
As with anything, attention and nurturing are important - keep close to your values as the dust settles and you find yourself living a more elevated version of your life. 
Review them each season  (quarterly) and check in on what areas need some weeding or more water.

I hope you enjoyed following these steps to creating your values list - Building a life of harmony, meaning and purpose, means putting your values at the core of everything you do.

If you have any reflections on values, how they have worked for you in your life or career, or you want to explore this subject further let’s talk! :) Contact me at: [email protected]

This article was written by Melissa O'Carroll, a Digital Marketing Coach at Multiverse.