Getting Back on the Bike: How We Deal with Rejection

Dealing with rejection can be tough. How we deal with it can affect our whole lives. In this blog, I will summarise the stages of rejection and show you some coping mechanisms to help you through them.

From early on in life we learn about rejection- that first time your heart beats quicker for another and you pluck up the courage to speak to them or ask them on a date. Only for the door to be shut in your face.

For some, rejection can mold who they are. I myself have a fear of rejection stemming from the moment my birth Father decided he didn't need me or my Mum in his life anymore. I'd be a liar if I said that hasn't changed who I am over the years. But as I got older, I learned how to deal with and work around it. I hope to share that with you in the hope that it helps you too.

Rejection isn't just in our private and personal lives though, we can suffer rejection when we go for that new role in work, that promotion we've always dreamed of, or even simply presenting that project we've spent hours of our time on only for it to be priced out or denied.
Today we will look at the 5 stages of rejection and how we can use these to get ahead of it and grow as a person.

1) Denial: Disbelief, surely, they're mistaken. How could someone deny the effort you have put into (yourself, your job)?

2) Anger: Coming to terms with denial can lead to anger. How dare they reject you? How can they not see your value? They will regret making you feel this way…. Slow down, and take a breath. Remember to manage your anger and realise that everyone is different and sometimes circumstances can be a big factor in decisions that are not under your control.

3) Bargaining: Sometimes denial and even anger can lead to desperation. This is when you forget who you are and try anything to get what you want. Do not lose self-control or you will lose sight of yourself and eventually push it all further away or shut the door indefinitely. 

4) Depression: Finally this swirling mass of emotions can come to a head and produce the thing we all dread. Sadness, depression, regret, embarrassment, confusion, and pain. This is when we have to take a step back and give ourselves time to recover and heal. Surround ourselves with people who care for us and vice versa. By doing this we can examine our feelings, profess them to others, and find a way to heal and get through it.

5) Acceptance: Congratulations, you're here on the other side. But the journey isn't over, it's time to ‘get back on the bike’ and try again. Because all of that emotion was only a stumbling block, we dust ourselves off and try again.  

Now that we know the stages, how do we deal with them?

- Recognise that rejection is part of life, learn and grow from the experience: Everything happens for a reason, even rejection. Remember this is you pushing yourself, leaving your comfort zone, and attempting something new. Don't be afraid to fail.

“You only fail when you stop trying” - Albert Einstein

- Accept the situation: Don't sit in denial, it is the gateway to depression. The longer you hide or ignore it, the harder it can be to overcome, eventually acknowledge, and move beyond.

- Process your emotions - Don't hide your emotions, suppressing them can lead to explosions of intense sadness or anger. This will only lead you further down the rabbit hole alienating yourself from family, friends, and colleagues who could help.

- Remember to show yourself compassion: Remember, that yes people can help. But sometimes showing yourself compassion and giving yourself time to heal is also an option. Run that bath, light those candles, sit back, and enjoy your favourite album. Showing yourself love can help your mind open up to others and jump-start that healing process.

- Stay healthy: Look after number one, emotions can be a lock box that threatens the way you act on a normal day-to-day basis. Reach out, speak out. The NHS and companies have great faucets of information relating to mental health and how to reach out. Keep active, physical health is just as important as mental. Try to keep fit and remember to eat and drink to keep your energy levels high.

- Remember your authentic self: Don't let rejection change who you are, remember that sometimes people will just think differently to you or not find you attractive. Remember you could be the sweetest berry on the tree, but some people just don't like berries.
 
- Grow: Finally, grow. Use the experience to improve yourself and learn new things. Go away, improve, and come back fighting.
I hope you’ve found this useful, and I appreciate you taking the time to read it, if you have discovered other coping mechanisms, please leave a comment as I would love to hear from you.

Stephen Horgan is a Data Fellowship Apprentice at Jaguar Land Rover and is writing for the Apprentice Lens as part of the Blogging Team. Stephen is based in Halewood, Liverpool. Here is a little more about him:

“Hi, I'm Stephen. I'm a time-served Maintenance Engineer. I currently work for JLR where I'm trying to progress into an engineering role. I hope to gain experience in working with data and develop the skills needed to progress into a role where using data is an everyday task. I'm inspired by technology and the innovations that are occurring on a daily basis in all areas of life.”