What I’ve Learnt from Learning to Fail | by Katie Salt-Martin

When I was a teenager, I had big dreams of becoming A Driver. I couldn’t wait to live out my Grease-inspired ambition of “going to the drive-in", or speeding along the open road, windows down, singing along to a perfectly curated playlist of Road Trip Anthems with my friends. Booking my first driving lesson for my 17th birthday, I could almost taste the freedom and, after just two hours behind the wheel, I (optimistically, I’ll admit) reassured the group that I’d have that coveted pink licence well before our post-exams trip to Newquay that summer. “Sure, I’ll be able to drive us by then!”

Fast forward four months and - can you guess the plot twist? I didn’t drive us to Cornwall. In fact, I didn’t drive us anywhere. I made a mistake that made me give up that dream – and it’s taken 16 years for me to try again. Now that I have? I’m learning so much more than how to drive a car.

Shifting Gears 

If you’ve ever been shouted at by a stranger, you’ll know it’s a highly unpleasant experience. There are few things that could make it worse but, as far as I know, these include being strapped in next to the shouter, in a very small car, when the cause of the shouting is something you’ve done. Unfortunately, for 17-year-old me, these are the exact conditions I found myself in after (accidentally, of course!) choosing the wrong gear, and kangarooing the car down the road in the middle of a driving lesson. Let me tell you, it was... less than ideal. At the time, I was so shocked, upset and intimidated by my instructor’s violent reaction that I just gave up driving completely – and for a long time, I blamed myself for what had happened. 

As a fully-fledged grown-up, I can now see this wasn’t my fault. It took a long time, and a lot of reassurance, but I came to realise it wasn’t me that had made a mistake: it was my instructor. Through reflecting on this, I learnt some important lessons about managing failure:

• Everyone makes mistakes. (Seriously.)
• Mistakes are a fundamental part of learning anything new. (Especially driving!)
• What matters is not the mistake itself. It’s how you respond to it. 

Learning to Fail

After this realisation, I slowly started to believe I could become A Driver after all. But this time, I knew I had to set some boundaries. I wanted to be clear from the outset that I’d had a bad experience and was very nervous about making mistakes. I wanted reassurance that there would be no shouting, ever. And, to nobody’s surprise but mine, I got it. Specialising in nervous drivers, my new instructor is, quite possibly, the calmest person I’ve ever met. And, through being professional, kind, and endlessly patient, she’s teaching me how to make mistakes. 

As I’m sure you can imagine, I approached my (second) first lesson with trepidation. It was clear I was terrified, so she drove me to a quiet side road and then passed me the keys. “It’s time to give it a go,” she said. “You won’t be perfect, but making mistakes is how we learn, and I’m right here beside you.” It was a revelation. And it taught me another lesson about managing failure: if you’re worried about trying something new, find someone gentle and supportive to help you learn. 

The Ultimate Test

Of course, I still don’t love making mistakes. Who does? But I’m not frightened of mistakes anymore, and I’m not giving up when I make them. Now, I’m merely embarrassed when I misjudge a parking manoeuvre, or mount the kerb (no pedestrians were harmed!) and – because of her reaction – I'm able to use these ‘failures’ as opportunities to learn and to do better next time. Because of her approach to mistakes, she’s built my confidence back up, and I might even be ready to take my driving test soon. If I pass, well, that’s fantastic. But if I fail? I’ll get right back in the driving seat and give it another go.

Katie Salt-Martin is a Data Literacy apprentice at Multiverse based in Manchester, UK, and is writing for the Apprentice Lens. Here’s more about her:

'Born and raised in Birmingham, Katie spent 15 years in London softening her accent and accruing debt before moving to The North to pursue the lofty ideals of countryside walks, farmers’ markets, and cheaper housing. She aims to write blogs that, at the very least, help you pass the time on a dull Tuesday afternoon. If she makes you think, laugh, or give something a go – well, that’s a bonus.'