Living with Anxiety and Depression | by Stephen Horgan
“1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year in England. 1 in 6 people report experiencing a common mental health problem (like anxiety and depression) in any given week in England.” - (Minds Matter UK).
Break the cycle, talk about it, and make a change. These are the words that helped start my journey of change.
In the beginning, I couldn't place it. I'm not even entirely sure when I first looked at myself and realised I felt different. But over the years I realised my attitude changed, my desires changed, my motivation changed, and I changed. I felt desensitised to certain emotions, holding them back at the risk someone might see them until I couldn't anymore. Until eventually I would reach a breaking point and they would hit me like a car driving at 100mph.
The stresses of being a husband, a father, a son, and an employee all weighed heavy on an already heavy mind. Those years of my life can often feel like they belong to someone else and it feels alien to look back on even happy memories and know that they are mine.
Luckily for me, I have an amazing family and amazing friends, and I work for a company that has amazing employees all of whom helped me through this journey even if they don't know it.
The stigma around men's health changed dramatically over the last few years, and It flipped a switch inside of me. Seeing other men in my life and in the public eye opening up and showing vulnerability gave me the confidence to do the same. I started talking about how I felt, instead of hiding it away. I went to social meetings, joined clubs, confessed my mental state to family and friends, and found support in all areas of my life.
Doing so also changed my outlook on my future and work. I realised I wanted more for myself and my family. I started challenging myself to try and make things change. I joined a gym, I started a photography course, and I found new interests in Dungeons & Dragons and cold water swimming. I started applying for new roles within JLR, and that led me to the apprenticeship I am now enrolled in. I saw the apprenticeship as a great way to get out of my comfort zone, challenge myself, and better myself at the same time. I feel positive, and I feel happy. I look forward to what the future brings.
Yes, I still struggle daily. But now I know the signs and I know what steps to take. I meditate, I seek someone to talk to, I focus on something interesting and I get through it because, with enough support and a goal to strive for, I know I can get to where I want to be.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, reach out to someone or visit one of the links below for information:
- Andy's Man Club | #ITSOKAYTOTALK | Andy's Man Club (andysmanclub.co.uk)
- MenLiving Men's Group - MenLiving
- MANUP? | MEN'S MENTAL HEALTH CHARITY
- Home - Mind
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
Stephen Horgan is a Data Fellowship Apprentice at Jaguar Land Rover and is writing for the Apprentice Lens as part of the Blogging Team. Stephen is based in Halewood, Liverpool, UK. Here is a little more about him:
“Hi, I'm Stephen. I'm a time-served Maintenance Engineer. I currently work for JLR where I'm trying to progress into an engineering role. I hope to gain experience in working with data and develop the skills needed to progress into a role where using data is an everyday task. I'm inspired by technology and the innovations that are occurring on a daily basis in all areas of life.”