12 Things to Know Before Starting Therapy | By Meelie Thorpe

Meelie is a Safeguarding Executive in the Multiverse Community team.

Taking the first step towards starting therapy is an exciting and brave thing to do. But even once you’ve decided on a therapist, the process can feel intimidating and full of unknowns. 

1. Sometimes, you’re not going to like or enjoy therapy
Like going to the gym in that more often than not, ‘having gone’ feels a lot better than the actual ‘going’. It’s not uncommon for things to get worse before they get better, but put in the work and you will feel better in the long-term. Push through the discomfort and you will arrive at a much clearer place. 

2. You don’t have to stick with the first therapist you meet
A first session is not a lifelong commitment, so try not to put lots of pressure on it to go perfectly - or stick with it if it wasn’t a good fit. Shop around, therapy is all about the relationship. 

3. Think about your goals for therapy
Don’t worry if you don’t know for sure, a good therapist will help you figure them out. From dealing with anxiety to wanting to find direction in your life, everyone’s goals will be different - remember there is no ‘right’ reason to go to therapy. 

4. You won’t have a cinematic breakthrough in every session
Huge epiphanies are rare, therapy is more about incremental steps towards a deeper understanding of yourself and your internal and external worlds. Plus, that 20+ year knot that developed in your childhood requires some untangling - give yourself some time. 

5. There will be times when you will not like your therapist
Even the best therapist will annoy you. Therapists will tell you things you don’t want to hear and challenge you to reflect on less-than-flattering things about yourself. This might result in you mistaking not liking your therapist with not liking things they’re saying.

6. Therapy is a place to practice for real life
You can use the space to try out more challenging forms of communication, like standing up for yourself, arguing, apologising, or being vulnerable. Challenge your therapist. Practice for real life situations like: breaking up with a friend, asking for a raise, admitting your faults out loud or voicing anger. 

7. You can your therapist anything
You’re allowed to ask whatever you want, let your therapist explain their boundaries. Good questions to start with include “What professional body are you a member of?”, “I’m struggling with <insert big feelings here>, how would you go about helping me with that?”, and “Do you lead the session or follow my lead?”. 

8. Journaling post-session is a good way to get the most out of therapy
A lot of work happens outside of the therapy room. To get the most out of the work, take notes after the session. Write a summary of what you covered, what things were hard to talk about, lessons or things to remember and things you forgot to bring up or would like to resit next time. 

9. You don’t have to be unwell to start therapy
Therapy doesn’t always have to be a reaction to illness, but instead can be an active engagement in wellness. Prevention is much easier than reaction, being in therapy will give you the tools to better your relationships and better deal with challenges when they come up.

10. It’s okay to write down what you want to talk about
A therapeutic hour (50 minutes) can be over in a flash and although the here and now in the therapy room is incredibly important, when you’re feeling nervous and unsure of what to say in your early sessions - it’s okay to have a list of things you want to cover. You might not cover it all, but structure can help. 

11. You will benefit from clearing time around your session
Pop your phone on silent, tell anyone who may need to contact you that you’ll be out of contact for a bit, and don’t schedule anything for immediately after your appointment - you may find you some time afterwards to decompress. Even half an hour can help. 

12. Expect to talk about your history
Each of our childhoods, wherever they sit on the scale between traumatic or benign, leaves us with no other option but to be beautifully complex in adulthood. Understanding this, the challenges we face now are invariably responses to something that happened in the past. Expect to do some delving eventually.