Fake It ‘Til You Make It: The Confidence Con and Why It Works | by Katie Salt-Martin

Do you know that dream? The one where you’re standing on stage, all eyes on you and you just... freeze? That is my nightmare. As someone who has perfected her part as a ‘supporting actor’, rather than in a ‘starring role’, I’ve always been more comfortable bellowing from the sidelines than taking centre stage. Heck, the idea of being in the spotlight brings me out in a cold sweat.  

So, you can imagine my surprise, one hot Friday night, to find myself standing on stage, all eyes on me – singing. Even worse, I was enjoying myself. “Who is this woman,” I thought, “and what have you done with the real me?” 

The Confidence Con 

The answer, I suppose, is that it wasn’t really me up there. At least, it wasn’t the regular me. The person on stage that Friday night was a new, more confident version of me. She was a main character. And I’d magicked her into existence using one very simple trick: repetition. 

“I am confident.”  

“I have the confidence I need for this performance.” 

“I can do exactly what I need to do.” 

“I will not forget the words, or the tune, or what I am meant to be doing on the stage, and I will not make an enormous fool of myself.” 

Okay, that last one could do with some work! But you get the idea.  

Through telling myself over, and over again that I was confident, and that I was not going to embarrass myself into oblivion, I started to believe it could be true. And the more I believed it, the easier it was to believe. After all, it was only me I had to convince. It was only me who had ever questioned, “Can I do this?”. And when it comes to confidence, I’ve found that’s almost always the case.   

Practice Makes Perfect 

The thing about confidence is, it’s a slippery beast. Like cupping water in your hands, it can be there one minute but gone the next, falling through your fingers even though they’re tightly closed. You can’t hold onto confidence. It ebbs and flows, and sometimes totally evaporates. Unhelpful, right? 

But holding onto confidence isn’t what matters. If you know what it feels like (or even, what it should feel like), you can conjure up that feeling, at any time. All it takes is practice.  

When I joined the (non-auditioned!) singing group, I never expected to hit the right notes the first time. I had to practise. I had to learn the harmonies, the melodies, and to get the right words in the right order. And, in the beginning, I got it wrong – so wrong – much more than I got it right. But, through showing up to rehearsals, and repeating my part, again and again, the songs started to stick. Through the simple act of repetition, I trained my mind, and voice, to know exactly what was needed. Now, I can sing those songs from memory, at any time.  

And it’s the same with confidence. There’s a reason people say, “practice makes perfect”: it’s true. Just as I’d rehearsed the harmonies until I could sing them without thinking, I practised building my confidence until it became second nature. Through that same, simple act of repetition, I convinced myself that the person getting up on stage was exactly the kind of person who should be on stage, belting out a song without a care in the world.  

Why It Works 

How others see confidence can feel very personal. If you don’t have enough, you’re ‘lacking’, somehow. Too much? Well, now you’re over-confident, taking more than your share. Give some away to those who are lacking.  

The fact is: confidence is personal. And you are the person who matters. When it comes to confidence, it’s only you that you have to convince. And once you’ve done that, you can do anything. Go on, give it a go – and let me know how you get on.  

All together now: “I am confident.”  
 

Katie Salt-Martin is a Data Literacy/ Data & Insights for Business Decisions apprentice at Multiverse based in Manchester, UK, and is writing for the Apprentice Lens. Here’s more about her:

Born and raised in Birmingham, Katie spent 15 years in London softening her accent and accruing debt before moving to The North to pursue the lofty ideals of countryside walks, farmers’ markets, and cheaper housing. She aims to write blogs that, at the very least, help you pass the time on a dull Tuesday afternoon. If she makes you think, laugh, or give something a go – well, that’s a bonus.