Can You Keep a Secret? | by Katie Salt-Martin
Have you ever thought about secrets? And I mean, really thought about them? The nuggets of knowledge – good and bad – that drift in and out of existence, and the complexities involved with restricting their contents to a chosen few. Have you ever considered the responsibility involved in keeping a secret? Do you have secrets of your own?
The Prevalence of Secrets
There are lots of reasons that secrets exist. In this data-driven world, we’re required to keep secrets to protect information about ourselves or others. For example: when was the last time you publicised your online banking login details, or broadcast your burglar alarm code to your neighbours? Then, there are more personal secrets: information about our relationships, finances or ambitions, actions we’ve taken or thoughts we’ve had. When you start to think about it, secrets are everywhere.
And we’ve all got them. In fact, researchers in the United States found that on average, people ‘currently have five secrets that they’ve never told anyone (a “complete” secret) and eight more secrets they have discussed with at least one person but still keep from others (a “confided” secret”).’ Of course, these figures rely on people sharing the kind of secrets they have (if not the contents) so the real figure is likely to be much higher. It makes you think, doesn’t it?
Secrets Versus Privacy
So, what makes a secret, anyway? And how is it different from keeping something private? Michael Slepian argues that the key is in the intention: we can see ‘secrecy as an intention to hold specific information back, and privacy as a reflection of how much you broadcast personal information in general’. For example, you may choose not to discuss your earnings with your co-workers out of respect for privacy, but it may be a secret that you are in significant debt (or have significant wealth!). Similarly, you may choose to keep the intimate details of your relationship private, but your plan to propose is a definite secret (for now!). Only you can decide the difference, and it’s all about taking control of your personal information – think about it like data protection for your personal life!
After all, secrets are incredibly personal things. So, if you’re trusted with one, I believe you should keep it.
(Before I go on, a caveat: there are some secrets that shouldn’t be kept. There are bad secrets, those that harm others, or protect perpetrators of harm. These are dangerous secrets that should be brought out of the shadows. If you’re trusted with one of these secrets, you must share it.)
Why You Should Be Keeping Secrets
It’s not a secret, we all have secrets - and we all have the knowledge, experience and willpower to keep them. So, let me ask you this: have you ever shared someone else’s secret? If you have, perhaps it wasn’t deliberate. Perhaps it was. Perhaps it’s a secret from someone that you’ve shared their secret.
I know people who have shared secrets. Someone shared one of mine, and not with my consent. And it made me feel powerless and exposed. It was like broadcasting my online banking details or burglar alarm code to the public – and there was nothing I could do about it.
Their decision to share my secret changed everything. That choice, made in the blink of an eye and probably without a second thought, shattered my trust in them - one of my closest friends. It damaged our relationship, and made me question myself. Had I been wrong to trust them? What else might they have shared without my knowledge? As the ‘secret’ spread further - the way they always do - it also dented other relationships, with close friends questioning why I hadn’t trusted them with this news. That decision to share my secret - a decision I hadn’t made - left me feeling anxious, alone, and foolish. In the end, my secret was being discussed by people I barely knew, shooting me knowing glances as I walked past. It spread like wildfire, and it left me burned.
Until it happened, I’d never thought about secrets before. I mean, never really thought about them. I’d never considered secrets as personal data to protect, with far-reaching consequences for a breach – and I’d never considered the personal responsibility involved in keeping them for myself, or others.
But now, when someone asks me, “Can you keep a secret?”, I know exactly what to say. I keep secrets all the time, and I’m good at it, too.
Now, what would you say? Can you keep a secret?
P.S. If you’re interested in reading secrets that people have willingly shared, check out PostSecret – an art project turned worldwide phenomenon, all based on secrets.
Katie Salt-Martin is a Data Literacy apprentice at Multiverse based in Manchester, UK, and is writing for the Apprentice Lens. Here’s more about her:
Born and raised in Birmingham, Katie spent 15 years in London softening her accent and accruing debt before moving to The North to pursue the lofty ideals of countryside walks, farmers’ markets, and cheaper housing. She aims to write blogs that, at the very least, help you pass the time on a dull Tuesday afternoon. If she makes you think, laugh, or give something a go – well, that’s a bonus.